ICE WIZARDS AND POOP METAL – METALLUM MILITIA RETURNS
Alexander Jones of Undeath braves the ‘Random Band’ button of Encylopedia Metallum in hopes of discovering extreme music’s next hidden gem.
In another installment of Metallum Militia, death metal frontman and Undeath vocalist Alexander Jones smashes the “Random Band” button to see if the digital unknown of Encylopedia Metallum spits out something memorable. Clicking said button on the site, randomly sources one of the 169,016 bands (and counting!) currently logged in the encyclopedia.
Jones seizes the opportunity to use that magnificent button for good by traversing the expansive, elusive depths of the Metallum. Always up to the task and willing to find merit in music, Jones insists, “there’s got to be some good stuff in there that no-one’s ever heard of, right?”
METALLUM MILITIA is a reoccurring column where Jones discovers and dissects three bands at random.
No do-overs.
Here’s the latest.
BAND #1: DECRAPTED
Country of origin: Spain
Location: Madrid, Community of Madrid / Palma, Balearic Islands
Status: Active
Formed in: 2021
Genre: Death Metal
Themes: N/A
Current label: Xtreem Music
Years active: 2021-present
I knew today was going to be a good day. I slept in a little bit, woke up and took my time making some coffee while I thought about writing this, the latest edition of my (our?) beloved METALLUM MILITIA. I thought about the wonders that the encyclopedia of record would bestow upon me as soon as I hit that glorious “Random Band” button. And you know what? I wasn’t disappointed, because our very first offering this week is a band called DECRAPTED, and one of their members has “DEATH METAL” tattooed across his forearms. I truly don’t know if it’s going to get much better than this.
Decrapted, bearers of what is quite possibly the best band name I’ve read in quite some time, are a two-piece death metal band from Spain. They formed just a couple years ago and have one full-length under their belt, 2022’s “Bloody Rivers of Death”. If it wasn’t immediately obvious by their name, these guys play brutal death metal akin to some bands you might find on American labels like New Standard Elite or United Gutteral (RIP), but with quite a bit more emphasis on melodic riffs and solos that reminded me of classic Florida bands like Monstrosity and Morbid Angel. Despite some questionable production choices here and there, I thought this was solid! Fans of no-bullshit death metal with coy references to poo-poo and pee-pee will find something to love here.
BAND #2: SORCIER DES GLACES
Country of origin: Canada
Location: Quebec City, Quebec
Status: Active
Formed in: 1997
Genre: Black Metal
Themes: Winter, Darkness, Misanthropy, Night, Forests, Nature, Mysticism
Current label: Osmose Productions
Years active: 1997-present
Additional Notes: “Sorcier des Glaces” in French means “Wizard of Ice”. (Dope)
Hey, this is a first for this column – I’ve actually heard of this band before! How about that! This was a pleasant surprise, as Sorcier Des Glaces (SDG for short) has been around for a while and I fondly remember stumbling across them on some ancient Blogspot many years ago when I was probably supposed to be doing my homework or literally anything other than tooling around filesharing websites looking for obscure black metal bands. There’s just something so intoxicating about a wizard that’s not just a wizard, but an ice wizard…and he plays cryptic black metal. It’s like catnip for indoor kids.
I digress – SDG is fantastic. Two-piece (second time this week!) Quebecois black metal band that’s in a similar stylistic vein as their forefathers in Emperor while still having that uniquely sick Quebec black metal flavor. Hefty discography here with lots to digest, including eight full-lengths and a smattering of splits and EPs, basically all of which are well worth your time if you prefer your black metal grim and frosty. I’ve stated before on my favorite social media outlet, X.COM, that the fine and also terrifying people of Quebec just seem to understand metal on a higher plane than the rest of us troglodytes, and SDG is a perfect example of this. Check ‘em out, just make sure you keep your grimoire handy.
BAND #3: CONSTIPATION
Country of origin: Slovakia
Location: Prešov, Prešov
Status: Active
Formed in: 1999
Genre: Grindcore
Themes: N/A
Current label: Via Nocturna
Years active: 1999, 2019-present
Well, that was fun while it lasted, but I guess it’s time to talk about poop again. What exactly are the divine oracles at Metallum trying to tell me this week? Am I stopped up or something? I feel like I spend half the day shitting sometimes. Am I spiritually constipated? I’m not sure – lots to consider here, not the least of which is yet another metal band with a curious obsession with feces. We’re only three editions into this column and I’m already questioning how many more of these bands I have in me, and I have the morbid sensation that we’re only just beginning to scratch the surface here. Oh well, let’s press onward:
CONSTIPATION. Slovenian grindcore band who are responsible for timeless classics like the “Human Piss” EP and tracks like “Yellow on the Snow” and “Pungent Smell”. Look, I know I’m being very dry and sassy here, but I really didn’t hate this. It’s the same kind of freaky European grindcore that you’d see in a video from Obscene Extreme or at some show where half the crowd is in speedos or chicken costumes. This is what the yin and yang of metal is all about – sometimes you’re dealing with high concept ice wizards and sometimes you’re screeching about shitting your pants with a bunch of Slovenians. What a wonderful world.